Flat Pack Furniture, Video Games and Rum are not a Great Combination Apparently
Don’t drink and build, they said. It’ll end in stupidity, they said.
Now you may be wondering “What the hell am I reading?” or “Why did I click this link?” when I’ll tell you the point of building all this flat-pack furniture is to house retro video game consoles so I think it’s justified writing an article about.
It took a week for all of this to be delivered because in addition to me getting my stuff, Amy also grabbed a couple of bookcases (Which we desperately needed, she’s had books in boxes/rucksacks since we moved in over 2 years ago). It was well worth shelling out 35 quid delivery fee to get all this brought to us instead of lugging it around on public transport.
Building time is upon us. I’m shacked up in the front room, Amy in the spare room with all the doors in the flat open because it’s a hot, horrible Sunday bank holiday weekend afternoon. I have to listen to a full Panic at the Disco album blaring from the spare room, but I pay it no mind. I even said at one time “Can we listen to something that isn’t Fall Out Boy next?” Turns out I have no music knowledge.
I’m a pint of Rum and Coke down at this point (Drinking at midday is acceptable when you have a long weekend, I looked it up) and one shelving unit down. My chubby, unfit body already going “Hang on mate, is it time we had a sit down yet?” I said “NO! GAMING WAITS FOR NOBODY!”. I mean that’s a lie, gaming does wait, but I wanted to get this over and done with.
Then I hear Linkin Park Hybrid Theory coming from next door and I’m thinking “This is the life, feeling like a ‘real man’, building flat-pack furniture, imbibing large amounts of alcohol and listening to one of the best albums in history. (I can hear you judging me readers, stop it. Actually, it might just be Ste, he listens to hipster music.)
Two units down and I can smell the finish line, or was it just me from all the unnecessary sweating? Yeah I think it’s probably that. Regardless, this thing seems to be coming together and I’m mentally deciding which shelf gets which console. I’d already done the measurements, I knew exactly where these units were going and how much space I had to play with.
The final unit is a 4×1 instead of the two 2×2’s I had just built (Yes I know they don’t align correctly in the picture, that’s on purpose), everything seems to be going according to plan except for the pesky final bit. Amy had finished her two book cases by this point so she came in for a sit down. Linkin Park had finished, I was definitely feeling merry and I felt like I was being judged on how quickly I was building my tiny units considering she’d built two full size bookcases already. (See below: Gratuitous comic book PJ bottoms)
“They’ve sent me the wrong bit, it doesn’t fit. I’m going to have to ring them and tell them to send out a replacement. This is unbelievable, whinge whinge whinge”.
“Let me have a look at it, she says”. I scoff “Why? It’s not going to change anything is it?! They’ve buggered it up, taken my money and now I can’t even complete the last bit of the last unit!”
She rotated the panel 90 degrees and suddenly it fit. Un-fucking-believable. Whoever says “Don’t drink and build” was right, not for injury’s sake, it just makes you an overwhelming idiot. I had a sit down and Amy patronised me for being stupid. Quite rightly so to be honest. I deserved it. But it doesn’t matter, all is done, my units are complete, all the pieces have been used (Bar wall-mounting brackets) and I am now able to enjoy the fruits of my loins, or arms. I didn’t build it with my loins. Maybe I should’ve done and I wouldn’t have screwed up that last panel.
Then disaster struck! I had enough height which was all I’d planned for, but the damn curtain rail was in the way up against the wall. Ok, ok it’s only a temporary setback, but I had to send Ste a message whinging and whining about it. I think in retrospect it was just an excuse to sit down to stop the profuse sweating. So I had to shift everything down a little bit to accommodate the curtain rail, which involved moving an entirely different bookcase and a chest of drawers on the other side of the living room. This was really turning into a bit of a nightmare now. I didn’t realise it would essentially mean moving every damn piece of furniture around just to fit these blasted things in. But I’m 95% done at this point, I smell like a dead Ox, look like a sweaty mess and all I could think about was “Amy wants me to go and see Panic at the Disco at some point, how the hell am I going to get through this?”. Anything to stop me focusing on getting the job done, essentially.
Done, in record time as well! First time is still a record isn’t it? I’ll put the consoles, take a lovely picture and then have a sit down and some food.
I put the cables in for all the consoles 9 hours later, at 1am. Whilst watching some bloke play Metal Gear Solid 1 on Twitch.
All in all a good day of doing stuff, 10/10. In the next episode, I drink Cognac and operate a Band Saw.
P.S – Don’t drink and operate heavy machinery by the way, that would be idiotic.